It was just an email. Words sent from miles away as information. While reading it, some words danced through my head. "Better luck next time, failure, oh well, why?"
I've always worked under the motto that "you can achieve anything you work for." I've always been a planner. A worker. Someone who accepts challenges offered even if it doesn't look like I fit the mold. It helps me grow. I can't grow if I only accomplish what I am capable of or what I am accustom to doing. I love to learn and grow. Which explains why I am eager for the bigger mold!
The above traits do not translate into a lot of recognized rejection. It is one thing I may not have mastered as of yet. I don't throw fits to get what I want, but I follow rules and demand justice. So, maybe that involves the occasional fit or "standing up for what is right" or"justice." Whatever you think I should call it.
Justice served me tonight as I opened an email that I knew was a simple rejection note. Someone else decided that I didn't fit where I thought I did. We didn't agree. He won. After reading the email I realized something. I realized what happened. But more importantly I realized who the "we" is previously referenced. My Heavenly Father. Over the past couple weeks, I have savored each and every moment of my day with my boys.
I am not eliminating the moments full of frustration, anger and disappointment, but I savored them nonetheless, in anticipation of leaving them behind for a new opportunity. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't picture the future that I usually have all planned out. I didn't know what the future held. I could picture what I thought would happen and then I would think, "there is no way I could go through with this."
Well, that word failure comes up again. The failure in this story lies in recognizing that I cannot plan everything and I must consult with my Heavenly Father if I want to get where I am going, happily. I know The Lord has a plan for me.
I am truly blessed to be entrusted as a mother to my boys. What an honor. I have so many opportunities in front of me. I am going to magnify my current roles while trying to include The Lord in my plans. Then maybe reach out in that crazy world again.
I am leaving you with this video. One of my favorites. Gosh. It gets me every time.
Ps I can't believe it took this big sh-bang to get me to realize such a simple truth. The Lord is in charge. I don't want to fail that lesson again so I thought I would share.