Some thoughts from my journal:
November 19, 2014
This day and age, we are burdened not so much physically, but mentally. The ability to process emotions, thoughts, battle mental disorders and illnesses, fill voids and figure out which quick-fix to fill it with. With new diagnoses and specifications published daily. Don't forget to Compare and contrast yourself and accomplishments against the person in front of you and beside you and above/below if we are talking social media feed.
A time when it is normal to live a day in this world and feel defeated. At least that is what the world deems socially acceptable. And while you're at it, "wash down those feelings of despair and regret with one of these."
For those of us who walk the earth described as "worry-warts, planners, preppers, etc." our gait is mindfully measured, reviewed, and analyzed. And the weight of the world's biggest problems sometimes falls upon us (in our minds).
"Not only am I responsible for the physical well-being of my children, but the mental (emotional), and spiritual well-being, all while trying to let them 'be themselves' and form a trustworthy, two-sided relationship with them?"
This overwhelming feeling of impossible is all that adversity wants. Because while I'm fighting a good fight against it, my mind, emotions and physical body are too.
And here I am distracted from what anchors me.
God never intended us, as parents and siblings and friends, to prevent every bad thing from happening to our loved ones. He does want us to protect them, but not take the responsibility necessary to prevent. Teach them to "put on the armor of God." Those days when I may feel sorrow, as Nephi did. He cried out with angst and humbly admitted that he thought his adversities were most important above all, we are allowed to feel this way. We can have ups and downs and attempt to conclude with ups.
You have to wonder if Newton’s Law really applies to everything, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. When horrible things happen, can they be prevented? And if so, will I be rewarded if I can spend my days worrying about it? The answer is seemingly not always, with a clause in fine print regarding the agency of others. The beautiful thing about our individuality is our free-agency and free doesn't mean it doesn't cost, because it has been paid for. Free refers to freedom to act and choose for ourselves. Unfortunately, Newton’s Law applies here. As much as we can act for the betterment of mankind, we can also skate on a fine line down to hell.
At some point in this mental discussion, I have to throw my hands up in the air, or rather kneel down and pass my sorrows and genuine worry-filled thoughts over to my Savior. Though he is great, he also felt those same feelings and quickly brings me back to my feet with strength.